The Wildest Stories from Kingdom Come 2: Delivering Mayhem and Laughter

Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 isn't just another medieval RPG; it's a masterclass in unpredictable absurdity wrapped in brutal realism. Every session throws up unique, hilarious situations that defy expectation. Forget predictable quests; here are some of the wildest side adventures I've stumbled upon in Bohemia.

These tales are spoiler-free, focusing solely on the game's wonderfully quirky side quests that highlight its unpredictable charm.

Table of Contents

• Laboring for Troubadours, Only to Receive a Terrible Song
• Rescuing an Alcoholic Hunter... and Delivering Him Straight to the Tavern
• Confronting the Polovtsians, Only to Philosophize with a Dog
• Going Rogue as a Thief and Paying the Price
• Selling a Stolen Horse and Meeting Gypsies
• Why Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 Stands Out

Laboring for Troubadours, Only to Receive a Terrible Song

Nestled in the heart of the map lies Želejov, a town boasting a bathhouse, a fistfight arena, and a tavern populated by two incredibly lazy troubadours. Their dream? To conquer Bohemia with their "epic" songs. Their reality? A severe lack of funds, instruments, and any discernible artistic direction. Should they sing of noble ideals or beautiful women? The world may never know.

Henry, ever the helpful soul (or perhaps just a sucker for a good (bad) song), embarks on a quest to help these aspiring musicians. This involves stealing a lute (risking arrest and reputation damage), only to have its strings snapped by the musicians, who then demand new strings made from sheep intestines. The hurdles continue: once the strings are ready, the bards reveal a debt to the innkeeper, refusing to work it off, claiming it's beneath their genius to carry sacks. After countless errands across Bohemia, the troubadours finally have everything they need: instrument, freedom, and inspiration. Their reward? A soul-crushingly dull song celebrating Henry's mundane exploits of theft, sheep butchery, and bag-carrying. The locals cringe, Henry facepalms, and I? I laughed until my sides hurt.

Rescuing an Alcoholic Hunter... and Delivering Him Straight to the Tavern

Remember those lute strings? They require crafting by a local hunter, Vojtěch. The catch? Vojtěch is a drunkard who wandered into the woods, encountered wolves, and climbed a tree like a drunken monkey. The rescue involves getting him down (during which he falls and injures his leg), saving his horse from bandits, and generally nursing him back to health. The reward? A loyal ally who teaches survival skills. But what if you decide to honor his wishes and deliver him directly to the nearest tavern?

That's exactly what I did, lugging Vojtěch through forests and swamps. His gratitude? None. He was less than thrilled, unleashing a torrent of complaints about my incompetence. Our next encounter? He offered me a view of his shack as compensation. "It's the best I can offer," he grumbled.

Confronting the Polovtsians, Only to Philosophize with a Dog

In Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2, the Polovtsians are the villains responsible for Henry's family's tragedy. Finding them causing trouble in a tavern ignited my righteous fury. I marched to their camp, ready for vengeance. Instead, I found friendly fellows eager to socialize. Before I knew it, I was matchmaking, drinking, and singing bizarre songs with them.

Then, a talking dog interrupted. He lectured me on life's purpose, challenging me to greatness. Inspired (or perhaps intoxicated), I accepted his dare to swim across a lake. I survived (barely), laughing uncontrollably the entire time.

Going Rogue as a Thief and Paying the Price

By hour 30, I was a master thief. By hour 31, Bohemia's most wanted. How? A botched heist. I infiltrated a guard barracks, looted armor, and was almost caught. I talked my way out, only to realize too late I hadn't removed my flashy accessories or washed the stench of my crimes off my clothes. The theft wasn't what gave me away; it was the evidence.

The attention to detail is astounding.

Selling a Stolen Horse and Meeting Gypsies

One night, I stole a horse and attempted to sell it to Mikolaj, a gypsy horse trader. Mikolaj was asleep, the horse bolted, and I waited until dawn. Mikolaj then spent ten minutes eating porridge before finally buying the horse. Even minor escapades become hilarious misadventures.

Why Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 Stands Out

These are just glimpses into what makes Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 so unique. Every decision, no matter how small, has consequences. From rescuing drunkards to philosophizing with dogs, the game is endlessly entertaining. The realism and immersion ensure every playthrough is a unique adventure. Bohemia awaits!